Tips To Show Up Sustainably For Your Art & Activism

Showing up for what we care about can be challenging. Why? Because we have jobs, responsibilities, families, friends, events - LIFE.

It can also be challenging because if we care deeply, then there’s likely some fear, vulnerability and old messaging blocking us from showing up fully: Am I worthy? What if I do it wrong? Who am I to be doing this? What if people don’t like me or what I share?

When you put yourself out there in your art or in your activism you’re essentially saying, “This is what I believe. This is what I stand for.” As a result there will be humans in the world who will not align with you, what you believe and what you stand for. These people may just not care about what you’re sharing or they might actively ridicule you and tear you down. Thus, standing up for what we believe in always comes with some level of vulnerability.

Followup Question: How are you at being vulnerable?

For most of us I think the answer is not so great!

I learned during the Kickstarter Launch for my children’s book, Arya & Everyone Else’s Feelings, that I was way out of practice at being vulnerable. I felt scared every single day. So many old messages came up, so much fear and vulnerability. It was my childhood dream to be an author and help heal the world. Could I actually do it and feel safe? The answer was yes and no: I could do it, but I wouldn’t feel safe every step of the way and that is okay. I could return to the trust, safety and knowing that I am worthy, that my book was worthy, again and again. So that’s what I did.

And, honestly, that experience not only made me feel incredibly empowered because I showed up for my dream and for myself, it also prepared me to show up for what I believe in when it came to Here4TheKids - a movement led by BIPoC women to bring an end to the gun violence in this country…

Ways To Support Your Highly Sensitive Kid

(Before continuing you might want to read my previous post: Some Signs Your Kid Is Highly Sensitive.)

So, you have a highly sensitive kid. Now what?

The following are my big picture recommendations from my work with highly sensitive kids both in the classroom and in private sessions over the past decade - and from being a highly sensitive kid myself.

And honestly, the following recommendations are great for ALL kids. But/and some are even more necessary for highly sensitive ones.

1. ACCEPT THEM AS THEY ARE

Your child was born with a more sensitive nervous system. They are not pretending to be sensitive. This is who they are and they need acceptance, love and support to thrive!

Sensitivity is NOT the opposite of strength. Do not attempt to change them or “toughen them up.” Instead, BUILD them up with acknowledgement of both the strengths and challenges of being more sensitive and offer them tools to navigate all of the above.

2. HONOR THEIR BOUNDARIES

If your sensitive kid needs space, give them space…

Some Signs Your Kid Is Highly Sensitive

First and foremost it’s important to note that highly sensitive kids vary just as all kids vary. Each one has their own flare and personality. Each one’s sensitivity is expressed uniquely based on who they are, what lights them up, what type of environment they grow up in, and how their sensitivity is honored, ignored, or even shunned.

It’s also important to remember that sensitivity is a spectrum and if your child isn’t highly sensitive it does not mean they are a non-feeling machine. They are likely still compassionate, kind and aware of the world around them, but they are not innately conscious of or affected by the world as much as their highly sensitive peers.

We all have the capacity to develop our sensitivity and awareness. But/and, we are also all born in a certain way.

Dr. Elaine Aron began researching high sensitivity in 1991 and continues her research today. Her website and books have been helpful to many, including me, to recognize that high sensitivity is an innate trait - meaning highly sensitive people are born with a more sensitive nervous system and our brains’ work a little different. This innate trait reflects a certain type of survival strategy, that of observing before acting…

Setbacks Are Part Of Success

I have some really exciting news:

I wrote a children’s book!

Even more exciting:

It’s already illustrated - by the incredible Louie Chin - and in 3 weeks I am launching a Kickstarter campaign to help me self-publish and share it with the world!

The book is called Arya & Everyone Else’s Feelings and I am ridiculously proud of it. Click here to learn more and get on the VIP List so you can be first in line to preorder your copy!

Bringing this book into being has been a slow and steady process spanning over 4 years!

There have been many setbacks, but I kept finding the next step and taking it - again and again and again.

At times that next step felt arduous and as if it would never fall into place…

Reminders During Challenge

The past month has been a series of sicknesses and canceled plans in our house and there were times when it felt really challenging.

The full abbreviated story: My daughter got a really bad head cold that interrupted all of our sleep, then her head cold turned into an ear infection (very triggering for me because of my early childhood illness and corresponding awful earaches) and had to go on antibiotics, then my husband got sick, then my daughter got sick with Coxackievirus, then I got my period, then I got sick, then I got a call from school that my daughter tripped and bonked her tooth/gum so we took an emergency visit to the dentist for x-rays. (She’s totally okay!) In the middle of that we postponed lots of joyful plans, skipped a lot of school, and in many ways life essentially got put on hold.

In the midst of In the midst of sickness and parenting exhaustion I had all the feels:

Terror, worry, joy, bliss, acceptance, resistance, panic, frustration, disappointment and acceptance again.

Whenever we go through extended periods of challenge it’s easy to start to wonder, Will it ever end?

The following reminders have been incredibly helpful for me, and perhaps they’ll help you, too…

My Heart Breaks Daily

How can you look at the atrocities of the world and deny them?

How can you look at the heartache and turn your back?

Actually, I know how, because I did it, too.

That Oh So Uncomfortable Parenting Moment: What to do when your kid refuses to participate

I have been a teacher for over a decade. I’ve taught Mommy and Me classes and also had parents visit their toddlers and preschoolers while in class with me.

I remember parents on countless occasions feeling concerned that their child wasn’t participating and I remember loving these parents and letting them know that however their child showed up was completely okay with me.

In most cases I’d see the kids more than once and develop awesome and lasting relationships with them. And even if I didn’t, their child was wherever they needed to be on that day, in that moment, feeling an array of emotions while being exposed to something and someone brand new. My goal was to keep the door open, let them know they were safe and invite them to join. From there, it was up to them. It might take 5 minutes or it might take 5 classes before they felt comfortable to participate.

A few weeks ago was the first time I was the parent of a child who chose not to participate.

And even though I knew from a teaching perspective it was totally okay, I, the parent, was NOT okay.

I always had compassion for parents in these moments, but I had no idea how excruciating it could feel until I was standing in their place.

Here’s what happened…

Let Fear be your Guide & Let Go of the “Plan” - My Giving Birth Story

Birth.

We are all born. Yet when I became pregnant I realized I had never attended anyone’s birth. I’d never witnessed it other than what I’d see on television and in movies. Even though it’s the most natural and normal occurrence and we all experience it as we enter the world, it was actually quite mysterious and distant from anything I knew. I’m an excellent student, though, so I set about to learn and acclimate myself - mostly in an attempt to normalize and de-mystify it. I watched videos of people giving birth, I looked at photos, I started following all sorts of doulas and birth centers on social media, I enrolled in an online hypnobirthing class, I set out to hire my own doula (and did - she’s great!) and then I absorbed everything that came my way through all these channels.

I became more and more confident in my ability to birth my baby. Yet, in addition to learning all sorts of pain management and mindfulness techniques to birth naturally, I also learned about all the ways to medically induce birth or intervene if something goes other than expected. As my husband likes to say, have the plan and then have a few backup plans just in case. Because this is the other thing about pregnancy and giving birth: It’s unpredictable…

Fully Let Go In The Pauses

“Fully let go in the pauses.”

These words from Jessica Diz have been repeating in my head.

Jessica was my Doula and she was referring to the pauses between surges/contractions during labor, but her words have been a salve the past few weeks.

I remember as my labor with Abigail kicked into gear I felt my whole body tighten in anticipation for each coming surge. We called Jessica and she reminded me to fully let go in the pauses. Oh my goodness what a difference it made!

By fully letting go in between each wave, I could regroup and relax, making the next wave feel lighter and easier to ride versus accumulating wave upon wave and feeling less and less able to relax with them.

Fast forward 3 months and our daughter has hit what they call the 3-4 month sleep regression. She is going through a big developmental leap and as a result of her growing brain and body paired with her new awareness (plus the random reflux or gas), it’s become more of a challenge to put her to down to rest… and no guarantee that she’ll stay asleep!

Mama is tired. Sleep is precious…

Welcome to the Blog

HIGHLY SENSITIVE | TRAUMA | KIDS | PARENTING | Self-Care

1. ACCEPT THEM AS THEY ARE

2. HONOR THEIR BOUNDARIES

Bringing this book into being has been a slow and steady process spanning over 4 years!

Here’s what happened…

Birth.

“Fully let go in the pauses.”